man writing simplified message

You know that simpler messages have a better chance of reaching distracted employees. But simplifying complex information can be a difficult, time-consuming process. How can you do this more quickly and effectively? We show you how using a benefits communication example.

Expanded Network
The network used for the two PPO plans is Health Choice II POS. This is a broader network providing deeper discounts to help lower your costs. This is particularly important for members of the Deductible Plan. In addition to a deductible, the plan requires members to pay 20% of the contract rate for most medical services.

Problem   How to fix
Central message: While the communication is short, which is good, it's not clear from this text what is changing or what the benefit is to employees.   Boil your communication down to one simple message, focused on what is changing for employees.
Headline: This headline has no relevant content, which is a missed opportunity.   Write the headline to deliver the one simple message of the communication.
Language: The body text uses acronyms and jargon that most employees don't understand.   Use clear language and spell out acronyms when expanding your message in the body.
Speed: The message meanders and doesn't deliver information efficiently.   Get to the point quickly. Employees spend three seconds on a message before moving on.
Action: We don't know from this example if employees need to do something or change their behavior. It's implied but not explained.   State clearly how employees need to take action, or do something differently. In this case, you might direct them to the web site for more information.
Point of view: The point of view changes from "you" to "members."   Pick one point of view. Say "you" or "employee" but use it all the way through.

Revised message:
New health network offers more doctors, lower costs

If you're in one of our two PPO (Preferred Provider Organization) medical plans, you're now part of a new network called Health Choice II POS (Point of Service). This new network offers more participating physicians and deeper discounts. 

We can help you tackle any employee communication challenge