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November 30, 2009
50 in 50. #16: Effective Apology
I have to give John Kador credit. He has written an entire book on apologizing (Effective Apology: Mending Fences, Building Bridges, and Restoring Trust) without once sinking to the level of mentioning the Elton John and Bernie Taupin song. You know the one: “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.”
Must because he’s a better person than I am. He’s certainly a thoughtful guy, who believes that an apology is not just lip service. “Apology,” Mr. Kador writes, “is humanity’s perfect response to imperfection. Yes, it’s an obligation we owe to those we have mistreated, but apology is also a gift that benefits those who owe the apology. Practicing apology is not easy—none of us likes admitting we made a mistake—nor does it come without cost, but apologizing pays off for the apologizer is surprising ways. Apology sends the clearest signal that we have the strength of character to reconcile ourselves with the truth. Apology is the most courageous gesture we can make to ourselves.”
All that may be true, but an entire book about apologizing? Effective Apology does have some padding, but it’s very well researched and complete. For instance, Mr. Kador provides a framework for the most effective apology: recognition (“I know what I did.”), responsibility (“I take ownership.”), remorse (“I am truly sorry.”), restitution (“Here’s what I’m doing to make it up to you.”) and repetition (“I promise it will never happen again.”)
The book also contains dozens of examples of public apologies, and even provides advice on how to gracefully accept an apology.
Effective Apology would be a useful book for speechwriters, public relations people, senior leaders, politicians, or for anyone who might need advice on how to apologize effectively.
Posted by Alison Davis at November 30, 2009 08:40 AM
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