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November 21, 2008
The break up
My college-age son’s girlfriend is in the process of breaking up with him. This would be painful enough, but for the fact that she seems to be trying to let him down easy, which means it’s more confusing and drawn-out (“I think we need a break.” “We both should see other people.” “Let’s not decide yet.”) than if she had quickly and abruptly dumped him.
But I’m not writing to comment on the girlfriend’s behavior (although I must confess that a word that rhymes with “glitch” keeps running through my head)—like all entries in this blog, this one’s about communication.
Here’s my point: 2008 communication tools helped my son and his girlfriend stay close, and those same tools are now breaking his heart.
When they each went off to separate universities this September, the 80 miles or so that separated them didn’t feel like a barrier. They text-messaged constantly. They talked by cell phone several times a day. They’d spend evenings alternating between studying, instant messaging, chatting or poking on Facebook, and video chatting via iChat or Skype .
But then the girlfriend met a new guy at school. Sparks flew. And she began delivering messages (via all the 2.0 communication forms) to my son about “space,” “other people,” “It’s not you; it’s me,” etc.
And then she proceeded to shut down communication. Maybe they shouldn’t iChat every day, she suggested. Or talk so much by phone. She took longer and longer to answer his text messages. She laid low on Facebook.
Being no dummy, my son suggested that he and his girlfriend get together in person to work things out. But she’s been putting him off, probably because she’s engaged in face-to-face communication with the other guy. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
And, although this brings back painful memories of the time I received a “Dear John” letter while I was in college (that’s how old I am), I also think those times were easier. At least the guy who dumped me couldn’t de-Friend me on Facebook. My humiliation was private, not up there on social media for all the world to see.
Breaking up is hard (harder than ever) to do.
Posted by Alison Davis at November 21, 2008 03:16 PM
Comments
What does your son think about this post? Hope he's taking it ok... I always see friends' status on Facebook change from "it's complicated" or "in a relationship" to "single." To me, it's just an interesting piece of info, but in the back of my mind, I think, "to somebody out there, that was a knife in heart."
Posted by: Becky at November 21, 2008 04:25 PM
Are you sure your son or his girlfriend would appreciate your post on this? Or did you already tell them about it before you posted?
Posted by: Mukund Mohan at November 22, 2008 12:36 AM
She never was any good anyway!
: )
The aftermath is that Alison's son is now dating Paris Hilton.
Posted by: Uncle Miltie at November 26, 2008 01:58 PM
Thanks for your comments and concerns about my broken-up-with son, both on this blog and privately to me. Yes, I did tell him about this blog, but he didn't read it (he's just not that into what I write, quite frankly). And, although I was quite concerned about his emotional state, I was cheered up a bit when he returned for the Thanksgiving holiday with a large hickey on his neck! (Seems he found someone to console him). He and the old girlfriend are trying to be friends (awkward), and I wouldn't say he's completely over her, but the new friend-with-benefits is helping improve his mood.
Posted by: Alison Davis at December 1, 2008 08:45 AM