For the second time this year I have heard students and parents discussing the non-existent tradition of senior cut day. Please note that there has not been a senior cut day since my arrival at the high school four years ago. This is classic leader hubris—if he says something, it must be true—despite the fact that everyone else has a different reality. In fact, the school does have a longstanding tradition of senior cut days. But the principal is trying to stop the tradition.

Personally I take the mandate of the Board of Education seriously to protect all of our students. Discussions with my fellow high school administrators and our faculty council has brought forward the conclusion that students who choose to violate the attendance policy on Monday should lose senior privileges and not be included in upcoming senior activities. They are also subject to high school attendance consequences and removal from participation from sports programs on Monday and Tuesday. I would hope students’ parents would strongly consider making the appropriate decisions concerning school attendance. I apologize for including the whole painful paragraph but if I took anything out, you wouldn’t get the full flavor of the communication style: We’re Going To Hit You Over The Head Repeatedly Until You Get The Point. Bam! Bam! Bam! Ready to give up yet?

And once again, I am amused by how poor the writing is. Think there’s anybody over at school who understands word usage or grammar? Neither do I.

On Friday April 8th at 11:30 I will be meeting with all prom participants to review the areas I have discussed above. Further, I will be speaking about another potentially dangerous and harmful tradition “the keg race”. I truly believe that if we allow this tradition to continue we are just a short time away from a potential tragedy. Notice he doesn’t tell us what “the keg race” is. I guess he assumes that we know? I didn’t, so naturally I went right to my son to ask him. It turns out the “keg race” is another senior tradition (“No, it’s not,” the principal would say.) where seniors attempt to drink the equivalent of 105 kegs of beer between January and graduation, so they can beat last year’s total of 104 kegs. I don’t know much, but as issues go, this one seems a little more problematic than cutting school for a day. And maybe this is, in fact, the real issue, but you can’t tell from this letter.

With all of this in mind, I invite senior parents and parents attending the senior prom to attend our meeting on April 8th (along with all prom participants) to review the areas I have discussed above. We will be meeting in the auditorium at 11:30. I believe your attendance will go far to influence our children to follow school policy and be safe. Boy, am I tempted—but I’ve got a root canal appointment that will probably be a lot less painful.

Sincerely,
(Name deleted for obvious reasons),
Principal

Maybe I’m a bad parent (or person), but this letter doesn’t make me feel responsible—it makes me feel subversive. My son (who’s a very good writer) and I made fun of it. We had a good laugh. It was a bonding experience. I guess I should thank the principal for bringing the family closer.